Little Corner...

“My point of view - True Nature of Love”

By Ed Ryan Buisan

What is love? In spite of all that science and religion have told us, people do not want to understand the true nature of the most potent force in the world. They believe in stories and myth’s - physical beauty and poetic passion, two hearts in stardust beating as one; the chase, the capture and the surrender. All that maybe a thrilling part of attraction and courtship; but it is not and never can be love. Love and physical embrace become almost synonymous in young minds; both create ecstasy. But few of us young people are taught of the possibilities of and need for growth beyond beautiful excitement. There will be less disillusion and heartache in relationship when we begin to understand that from the illusions of romance a deep and abiding love may emerge. “Love is the passionate and abiding desire on the part of two or more people to produce together conditions under which each can be, and spontaneously express, his real self; to produce together an intellectual soil and an emotional climate in which each can flourish, far superior to what either could achieve alone.” In a true relationship, a man and a woman think more of the partnership than they do of themselves. It is an interweaving of interests and a facing of sacrifices together for the sake of both. Its feeling of security and contentment comes from mutual efforts. In marriage or boy-girl relationship, as in dancing, the happiness does not stem from the way the individual moves, but in the togetherness of the behavior.

The more completely one can express his/her real self to another person the more deeply he can love. This means that a man/woman can speak to his/her lover honestly, letting him know what is actually in his mind, without fear of misunderstanding or any form of reprisal. If a man/woman can say without trepidation: “My dear, I can forgive your brother, but I can never forget how he stood in the doorway saying those awful things to me” - he/she may be spontaneously expressing himself. He/she may decide not to say anything of the kind, in order to spare his/her lover’s unhappiness. But if he refrains because he is afraid that she will misunderstand him and take revenge, these two people are not producing together the intellectual and emotional climate in which each can be his real self.

There are many false emotions that may lead us into unhappy relationship. For instance: sexual desire aroused by physical beauty or perhaps sheer energy. That is why we need to know the difference between physical attraction and deep affection. Another false emotion is the need of living life vicariously through another person because of the inability to be one’s self. It may be that the girl was a daughter of a poorly paid minister; hence she goads her lover on to work for more money and so to be the man she wanted her father to be. Other misleading emotions include the compulsive desire to feel needed; a man’s wish for a woman to mother him; a woman’s determination not to be an old maid.

“We may think we are in love because of the way another person makes us feel, but love is not delight in ME, love is self-realization together in us.”  Two mutually infatuated people can want each other desperately, without love, and without sensing the emotional insincerity, which consumes them. Neither perceives he is experiencing little more than a cheap reassurance. “What seems to be love is but blind delight in being treated as if one were perfection itself.”

“Self-realization together includes the right of each partner to pursue individual desire.” It often takes a year or two for a young couple to discover that “we do everything together” is sentimentality and not love. Among such couples, if the man likes fishing and the woman does not, they give up fishing. If she likes concerts and the man does not, they give up music. The activities are confined to what both enjoy; in a constricted life “they do everything together” because they fear that individual activity may cause them to drift apart. By yielding to this fear they narrow their lives, invite boredom and may soon be drifting apart - doing even that “together.” Sooner or later the reassurance of complete agreement is gone. Troubled faces confront each other across the breakfast table. By dinnertime they may be angry faces, divided as only emotional distance can divide. Quiet desperation is followed by panic. But two people really in love are not too concerned over disagreement, knowing that mere differences of opinion are not the same thing as loss of emotional unity.

True love is not blind! It sees faults as well as virtues, unhesitatingly accepting the fact that no one is perfect. Love says, and with honest feeling, “I know that I shall be irked by your inability ever to be on time. I know that you will be irritated by my smoking. I know that differences in our energy and tempo will annoy both of us until we learn how to work them out together. But, despite these difficulties, we see so much of value in each other that we surely can create together a life far superior to what either of us could achieve alone. What matters is that we each sense and like the kind of person the other is, and want to cherish him for what he/she really is. No two human beings can possibly live together in the most intimate emotional relationship known without sometimes frustrating each other.

Understanding is needed because where love is blocked it turns to anger and hate. To think that there are no things to be given up for each other is supposed that love costs nothing. One must master patience so as understanding to compromise the very thought of its purpose in all gestures of changes and even in conflict. It is indeed not an obligation rather a responsibility at all events. Manifesting one’s ability to control anger and hatred is a rare self-discovery yet if manifested correctly a handsome reward may be given. Love is self-discovery and self- fulfillment through healthy growth with and for the other person. “Real love will grow as the years go by.”

The very experience of loving will lead to the discovery of how to love better.” The only thing in the world as strong as love is truth, and there are reasons for believing that as far as marriage and boy-girl relationship are concerned they are “different aspects” of the same thing. A deep abiding love is the emotional response to an intellectual recognition of the truth about another person. Loves development, like that of a tree, is not a steady process but an irregular one. The art of love is patience till the summer returns. But what we have really loved can never be lost. Its influence on our personality is always with us, and perhaps even death does not take it away. “Success in relationship is much more than finding the right person: It is a matter of being the right person.”

“The love of a person does not imply the possession of that person. It means granting him, gladly, the full right to his unique humanhood. For, to love a person implies caring for and feeling responsible for his life, for the growth and development of all his/her human powers.” A boy may think he love his girlfriend because she is beautiful, talented, and competent. Yet this is not love. It is approval. “Love depends not upon the attributes of the love object, but upon the individual’s ability to love. This ability must be cultivated. It does not always “comes naturally” as so many of us believe. A mature person, healthy personality, with a strong ability to love, does not “love” just his/her lover or a few special friends. He/she loves - period.

At most important, the fracture of ones heart whom it may have an awful experience upon loving is only a part of loving better. Every moment is but a waste of time if not dealt properly. As is in relationship. Time consumes every moment that passes by. Make everything as much as special for no one can tell that within that given time loves endured happiness will lasts long. It is an incomparable acquaintance that lingers and exists only on that very part of your momentous event. So dearly make it special. Love sees yet doesn’t shout, ignores but never forget, leave but with traces. It might never come in the same way still only fate knows when it’ll be standing in front of you again.

Yours,

Éd

To all the readers:

Thanks for the time you all have given, only to read this. I hope you all did learned something. Despite that, If I can aid you with any help nor assistance please don’t hesitate to ask me.

This goes to the girl whom she never felt the way I’d felt for her…Although she knew what but she doesn’t know why. Sorry for having the unwanted feelings kept more than 2 years and haven’t said a word about it..

To the reader learn and understand these to w/c I know you’ll find something that would aid you from what you seek and maybe you would learn something from this. I would conceive that you or I nor anyone of us could ever be more perfect than what had pushed us to define love as of itself, sacrifice. Learn from these I hope you will; love not of what you see but by what you feel – love the way you understood what love is, out of being ordinary for in return you would later realized that you have put the best out of you, extra ordinarily…God Speed Always..